【英語学習】海外スタンダップコメディおすすめ5選

あなたは日本人に英語を教えた経験を持つベテランのアメリカ人英会話チューターです。

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Transcript:

if I went to India there's over 200 languages in India I don't know any of them at all I know like a couple of greetings but I don't know enough to get me in or out of trouble but I know what they all sound like and if I was stuck in India and I needed some help I would just fake it they would never know I could be stuck an idiot in a market I'd be like they won't know they were like oh my God he's very angry I don't know I don't know what dialect that one is but this man is very angry he is most angry


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以下のYoutube動画のトランスクリプトを、ワンセンテンス毎に解説をお願いします。

Transcript:
Asian People don't say I Love You - YouTube


Transcript:
(00:01) i know i make fun of my parents but at the end i love them very much i think we all do right but asian people we don't ever say i love you to each other that's just not our thing one time i got high and i called my mom i was like mom i just i just want to tell you mom i love you and you can hear her start like crying on the other side of the line she was like oh jimmy do you have a cancer [Applause] we just got different ways of showing love like when i see my grandmother i don't give her a hug i just give her a
(00:40) solid handshake we're not about that hugging and asian grandmas did the best you give her handshake she's like a vending machine you give her a handshake out comes a red envelope and you gotta pretend you don't want that you're like no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no please please okay thank you [Applause] that's just how we show love my dad still calls me like 20 times a day just to check up on me it's annoying but i understand that's how he shows love i was talking to my friend here uh and he was like oh i haven't i haven't
(01:16) talked to my dad in three weeks i'm like what is he in jail he was like no i live with him i just haven't talked to him in three weeks i'm like you do understand if i don't call my dad back in three hours he's gonna call 9-1-1 9-1-1 what's your emergency my son is a dead it's like sir is everything okay is your son dead he's like no but he's a dead to me okay bye that's just how we show love



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Transcript:
(00:00) is it hard to do like an American accent uh yeah because okay for example when I'm talking Australian I don't actually use much of my face muscles I just so I'd just be like hi how's it going like that but if I talk American I go hi there how are you like that's a lot [Applause] [Laughter] more oh my goodness Rebel uh


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Transcript:

(00:00) some of the places we're planning on performing this next year um we're talking about going to Germany we're talking about going to Bulgaria and India India is on the list of new places we're going to visit and I'm excited about India you know when I was telling people in England that we're going to you know to India I had Indian people telling me Oh it's going to be amazing when you go there you're going to enjoy it you're going to love it it's amazing and I just stare and the guy goes why are you staring I go cuz your voice

(00:24) doesn't match the oh you think we all sound like I'm I'm sorry dude I live in America Indians over there keep it real I'm sorry and I have nothing but love and respect for Indian people I'm going to tell you something right now Indian people in the United States are the hardest working people I have ever seen and that's coming from a Mexican okay and I'll tell you why I say this you will never see an Indian person with a sign that says we'll work for food in the United un States and you will never see an Indian person committing a crazy

(01:04) crime like when was the last time you heard of Indians robbing a bank look everybody I can't remember bro cuz it doesn't happen first of all Indian people are so nice and they're so sweet and I can't see it you know you going to rob a bank you need Authority you need to come in there guns blazing I said get your ass on the ground now I can't imagine would you please take the money why are you laughing I am talking to you forget this I'm out of here I don't need this he gets in the car his partner's waiting for him did you get the

(01:46) money they would not give me the money did you show them the gun I show them the gun we better leave they're going to call the police they're still laughing what did you get the computer they thought I was tech [Applause] support they come back with a bag of food you know um would you like ketchup that's where I let him have it oh my God yes


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Transcript:
(00:00) - Why don't you move here, and then you'd have a bigger place? Do you like it here? - But--[sighs] I mean, I don't fit in here-- just straight up body type. Like, in L.A., my arms register as legs. They're just like-- [laughter] [laughter] They're like, "Why is that octopus on Sunset?" "Is that--" [laughter] It's not-- it's not for me out here.
(00:21) - No? - It's not, no. But I--you know. - What do you do when you're here? - I cry. I just sit in my room... [laughter] Bawling. No, I-- Well, last time I was here, right from the show, I got courtside tickets to a Laker game. - That's fun. - Yeah, 'cause my-- my business agent thought I was mad at him for sexually harassing me.
(00:42) - Well-- - But no, I'm 33, so I'm just starting to really appreciate that, you know what I mean? - I see, I see. - Well, it's true. I can't speak for everyone. I'm not like "Sexually harass--" but, in your 20s, I feel like you walk around-- like you'll walk past a construction site, and be kind of like, "Oh, don't look--" But then, in your 30s, you know, I'm just like, "What about this?" [laughter] "Like, how about--" [laughter] It's like my skirt's over my head.
(01:04) I'm like, "Aah." [laughter] They're like, "We're eating." But, uh-- [laughter] [laughter] It changes, it really does. It changes, so-- So I got courtside seats, which--you've sat courtside at a game, right? - I have, yeah. - I thought--I went-- I thought it would be free booze. Um... [laughter] It's not, it's not.
(01:24) [laughter] I guess you have to be on the team to get free booze. So... - [laughs] - I go, I get randomly seated next to Dianna Agron. You know, the actress. She was on "Glee." She played the cheerleader, Quinn? I mean, that lets you know how hot she is. Yeah--oh, there we go. There's the picture. Thanks for--yes.
(01:42) Isn't that great? [laughter] She's like-- the most gorgeous girl ever. Her name was "Quinn" on that show. To pull off that name? - Yeah. - Like if my name were "Quinn" on a show, they'd be like, "Oh, the jolly Irish groundskeeper, that--" [laughter] "Does a jig time and again," you know. But so she's there.
(02:01) Is she not like an angel? So--and the whole night, she's like, She's like this... 'cause she knows people are taking pictures of her. I obviously don't. [laughter] I learned a lot. I learned that my resting face, is just a scowl, is just-- [laughter] [laughter] And I learned--and you can see-- that I have what I'm now calling an "at-risk chin.
(02:22) " [laughter] This is not a good section! [laughter] If I--if I don't, like keep it at sea level, it just doubles itself, just-- [laughter] I become the dinosaur in the jeep in "Jurassic Park," just "Fff!" [laughter] So I'm like--no idea people are taking pictures. I'm pounding red wine, and I-- I thought it was free-- and I-- [laughter] I get red wine teeth right out the gate, you know? Like, just first sniff of merlot, just "True Blood" mouth.
(02:56) I look like I've been feeding, and I'm eating popcorn, the way I think we all eat popcorn, which is-- you know, at first, don't you always kind of start out kind of like lying to yourself? Like, "I don't know, I'll have a little." Ehm. [laughter] Like one piece at a time, you know? And then--and then, like, you get a little more real.
(03:16) Right? [laughter] and then eventually, you just--you get "real" real. And just "gah!" [laughter] Like, I've split my lip trying to get one more kernel-- [laughter] It's true. In my dumb mouth. It is true. - [laughing hard] - And so that's what happened. If you Google me, it'll be-- And I--I look like her, actually.
(03:36) I look like her if she were stung by a million bees. [laughter] It's true! I look like her if she were, like, becoming the Hulk. That's-- [laughter] And she--you know, she wanted to be friends, and I'm like, "I can't. I can't. We don't have-- we're not the same thing." Like she was telling me hot people problems, you know.
(03:54) She's like, "He won't stop calling." And I'm like, "[whine], I hate that." [laughter] Do you eat popcorn like that, though? Are you a popcorn lover? - Yeah, I do. And I eat it exactly like that. - Right? - Yes. - I mean, that's why-- I'm so annoyed-- I'm single again, so I'm going to have to start dating some guy, and we'll go to the movies and he'll be like, "Do you want to get popcorn?" and I have to be like, "Oh, I hadn't even thought about it.
(04:16) " [laughter] He's like, "What size?" and I'm like, "[giggles] A small. Look at me." [laughter] Right, like a small popcorn? That's like taking one Advil. Like, "get outta here." [laughter] "Get--I want a trough. And I want to dunk my head in it." And--and then, you know. I'll be pretending not to think about the popcorn.
(04:37) - Hilarious. So when you say you're gonna start dating again, that means that you're-- are you dating at all? - No, I, um-- Well, I know everyone here is like, "How do we date you?" Thank you. [laughter] [laughter] You can't, and not just 'cause I'm not totally out of the woods with this UTI I have right now, but also-- [laughter] but also-- Thank you.
(05:00) [laughter and applause] Oh, my God. [laughter and applause] No, but I'm not on any dating websites. I don't--I'm on--I have one, like, app on my phone that's kind of-- it's called "Foodspotting." [laughter] And it's like Tinder, but for food, so, it lets me know-- - Is this real? - This is totally real. It lets--they let you know about food in your area.
(05:24) So, like, this week in L.A., I was eyeing this one particular scone. And uh-- [laughter] Under a mile away. Coincidence? Probably not. [laughter] So, I'm like, "Should I go?" And my friends are like, "Go! Like, check it out!" So I went to the scone, and I kind of just sidled up to it, and I was like, "Oh, my God, you look just like your picture.
(05:46) " [laughter] So I'm kind of dating. Kind of dating. - It's different than that. You should-- [laughs] Oh, my God. - It's pretty much the same exact thing. - Hilarious. It's almost exactly the same. - Yeah.

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